Messiness



Today has been a crash and burn day....hence the burning puzzle photo.

 

Life can sometimes be overwhelming, and by times I have not one clue  how to piece anything together and then proceed to have a meltdown of sorts.  What woman enjoys those weepy days when tears and rampant emotions seem to spiral out of control. 

 

I suppose that in life, there is a place for chaos too, much to my chagrin. Always living from the 'happy places'  is not where one grows.  Deep sigh.......

 

There is a place of course, for those wonderful  'all is well with the world'  oasis es, but any growing is done doing grunt work.  In my case, the grunt work entails  'feeling the feelings' and attempting to hang onto the truth that I won't die in those hurting places, those fear filled places. 

 

Having come from an extremely dysfunctional family setting, and continuing to carry that baggage around with me, has left me with many deep, emotional scars, that cause me to not 'live' in a way that God created me to live. 

 

And the only way to 'get there' - to the land of the total living, is to DEAL.  Deal with the emotional hurts, look at them - cry over them, feel the fear, feel the pain, and in doing so, wait for healing.  A healing that Jesus promises.

 

God's Word states that if I face those places, work through it all, as slow and painful as that process may be - that He will redeem all that has been lost. 

I have yet to experience the reality of such a statement, and my faith and trust in God are weak.   Yet the  choice remains mostly clear, attempt to believe, for otherwise, I might just as well lay down and die now.

 

I surely cannot say this post is particularly uplifting, but, it's life.  And life is messy by times.  Today, I waded through the mess.  Not what I had planned, but as the end of the day nears for me, I see that I've survived and also been blessed.  Blessed by the loving and supportive arms of one who is dear to my heart, and blessed by the kind and encouraging words of friends.

 

So, despite my day of messy internal chaos - God was there.  :-)