Lost

Sleep evades me for my heart is troubled.  A decision weighs heavily upon me, and confusion, like a thick blanket of fog, clouds everything.    I AM LOST.

I am a lost sheep,  and I wonder, where is the Shepherd?  A lost child.  Where is Jesus? 

I yearn for him to speak to me, but as of yet I hear nothing.  Is it that he has not spoken, or is it that my heart is too hardened to be able to hear?

Anguish fills me to overflowing.  How long oh Lord?  How long must I wander in this wilderness?

Suddenly words filter in through the fog that surrounds me.  "Be still and know........know that I am God".

Be still.  I weep at these words, for I feel as if I've been still for a very long time, waiting.  Waiting for answers that never come.  Waiting for healing.  Just..........waiting.

Yet, there isn't anything else I can do, but wait, all the while attempting with all my might, to trust.  Trust that God knows exactly where I am, and that He will rescue me.

This is the day...........

'This is the day the Lord hath made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.' 

In my own way, I did just that yesterday.  I rejoiced in the day.  A trip to the lake shore, despite frosty temperatures and a breeze that threatened to freeze my fingers straight onto my camera, brought me much joy.

As I walked along the snow covered shore, I dreamt of warm breezes, palm trees, and a deck chair to lounge upon.  Yet here, in the snow covered landscape, peace also resided. 

My first stop brought me to a very large gathering of geese and swans.  Such a delight to see.  Although I could not get these beauties to flap their wings, they did parade in front of me, begging to have their picture taken, so I obliged them.  After a very long photo shoot, the swans were ready for a rest, so I travelled along to another spot to attempt to capture the sunset. 

Days such as this one, with the sun shining as a promise of spring yet to come,  make me yearn to inhale all the life that God has put forth onto this earth.  Theologian Alan Jones is quoted as saying, "There is a self within each one of us aching to be born."   I believe there is a power surge happening deep inside of me, a longing to truly live.  Live the way that God intended. 

Often I am like a turtle, I poke my head out, sniff the air, check everything out, and at the slightest sign of possible threat, I slip back into my shell, hiding, attempting to keep myself safe.    If I would but remember that it is God's job to protect me, not me protecting myself,  I would have many more days of 'living' and enjoying and rejoicing in all that life has to offer.  Self-protection takes a lot of work, requires much diligence and is utterly exhausting, leaving one not much time in between to simply relax and enjoy.  God did not intend for me to live 'sporadically' - He intended for me to live 'every' day.

At the end of the day, I reflect and come to this conclusion.  Since God created me, delights in me, and loves me, obviously He will protect me.   I can let go of my constant vigilence and enjoy all the blessings that He has given me.

As in all things, it is one step at a time.

  

Holding Onto Hope

This past week has teased me with whisperings of a spring that lies on the (hopefully) not so distant horizon.  

 

The birds have begun their cheerful song, and I rejoice in their morning music.  The temperature has become a tad milder, and the sun has shone more frequently, chasing away the doldrums of a dark and dreary winter.  Even the rain of yesterday was delightful, as it bespoke of the green yet to come.....

Alas, I awakened this morning to find my car once again covered in snow, and sighs escaped from the depths of my being.  At times, I think that spring is just around the corner, but as the month of March will have it, spring is,  whenever spring decides to descend upon us, and not a moment sooner. 

 

While I enjoy snow, and even snow storms, along with the crisp, often sharp air of winter, there is just something very uplifting about the coming of spring.  An atmosphere that brings hope to my soul.  All becomes new again........grayness  turns to luscious green.

  New growth, and  beginnings; an opportunity to crawl out of my self-imposed cocoon, venture forth into dappled sunlight, warm breezes and breathe in the air of hopeful expectation. 



Today's fresh covering of snow leaves me feeling somewhat deflated.  Hope dashes, as I wonder if spring will 'ever' get here.  All things being equal in this four season province, spring indeed will come to pass.  But watching from the sidelines, waiting for the mostly unseen,  has it's moments of despair.

 

As it happens,  everyday life itself can also be quartered into seasons. Moments where new life burgeons forth and hope springs eternal, along with other moments where the reality of life crashes down, flattening us, challenging us to hold onto that hope.

 

It is a matter of discipline for me to look beyond the often difficult things of life, to the truth that Christ reigns and so therefore all things will be made new (in the winter of life) - even me.   2 Cor. 5:17 - Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come.   He is the one who provides all that I will need to get through the dreary days of feeling insecure, inadequate, lonely, and even by times, afraid. 

 

So I grasp the rope of hope as tightly as I'm able, and work on believing that God has his hands covering mine, holding onto me with a strength that far outweighs the puny strength of my tattered faith.

 

Spring...........will come!!