For The Ones Left Behind.......

Yesterday's early evening restlessness had me and my camera off to see what I could find and venturing into our city's cemetery.  Not a seemingly very cheery place to visit, but I had hoped to capture some sunlight filtering through the beautiful trees that are still as of yet holding onto their autumn colours.

Unfortunately the sun decided to hide behind clouds for the duration of my visit, but I walked about anyway - enjoying the trees, the quietness save for the rustle of leaves as squirrels scampered about,  and flowers everywhere - left in tribute to those who have already left this earth.

Old tombstones, new ones, religious statues, stairways leading to plaques.  A very somber place to be, and my heart was gripped with sadness as I gazed at all those stones - knowing the grief of the many attempting to cope with the emptiness left by the departed. 

I walked, grieved inwardly and prayed that God would bring a measure of healing to all those hurting hearts, that He would give each person exactly what they needed to get through their days.

If today, you are grieving for a loved one lost, then may the Lord Jesus bless you with all that you require - my prayer for you.  He loves you deeply, far more than you can ever imagine and He will hold you in the palm of His hands, from now unto eternity.

 

Praiseworthy

Autumn is near it's end and soon the gray days of the beginnings of winter will be upon us.  There is a sadness to the ending of a season, for gone are all the beautiful colours, the scents and sounds of life.  Winter can often hide life.

In one's life journey, the winter season can also appear to hide life, and yet in truth, in the winter of life, is where one does the most growing.  A learning to trust in the goodness of God despite circumstances and a remembering of all the blessings that have been given in the past.

Philippians 4:8   Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things.

On this Thanksgiving Day, I will remember, and will choose to remember, even through the bleak days of my winter.

Lost

Sleep evades me for my heart is troubled.  A decision weighs heavily upon me, and confusion, like a thick blanket of fog, clouds everything.    I AM LOST.

I am a lost sheep,  and I wonder, where is the Shepherd?  A lost child.  Where is Jesus? 

I yearn for him to speak to me, but as of yet I hear nothing.  Is it that he has not spoken, or is it that my heart is too hardened to be able to hear?

Anguish fills me to overflowing.  How long oh Lord?  How long must I wander in this wilderness?

Suddenly words filter in through the fog that surrounds me.  "Be still and know........know that I am God".

Be still.  I weep at these words, for I feel as if I've been still for a very long time, waiting.  Waiting for answers that never come.  Waiting for healing.  Just..........waiting.

Yet, there isn't anything else I can do, but wait, all the while attempting with all my might, to trust.  Trust that God knows exactly where I am, and that He will rescue me.

This is the day...........

'This is the day the Lord hath made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.' 

In my own way, I did just that yesterday.  I rejoiced in the day.  A trip to the lake shore, despite frosty temperatures and a breeze that threatened to freeze my fingers straight onto my camera, brought me much joy.

As I walked along the snow covered shore, I dreamt of warm breezes, palm trees, and a deck chair to lounge upon.  Yet here, in the snow covered landscape, peace also resided. 

My first stop brought me to a very large gathering of geese and swans.  Such a delight to see.  Although I could not get these beauties to flap their wings, they did parade in front of me, begging to have their picture taken, so I obliged them.  After a very long photo shoot, the swans were ready for a rest, so I travelled along to another spot to attempt to capture the sunset. 

Days such as this one, with the sun shining as a promise of spring yet to come,  make me yearn to inhale all the life that God has put forth onto this earth.  Theologian Alan Jones is quoted as saying, "There is a self within each one of us aching to be born."   I believe there is a power surge happening deep inside of me, a longing to truly live.  Live the way that God intended. 

Often I am like a turtle, I poke my head out, sniff the air, check everything out, and at the slightest sign of possible threat, I slip back into my shell, hiding, attempting to keep myself safe.    If I would but remember that it is God's job to protect me, not me protecting myself,  I would have many more days of 'living' and enjoying and rejoicing in all that life has to offer.  Self-protection takes a lot of work, requires much diligence and is utterly exhausting, leaving one not much time in between to simply relax and enjoy.  God did not intend for me to live 'sporadically' - He intended for me to live 'every' day.

At the end of the day, I reflect and come to this conclusion.  Since God created me, delights in me, and loves me, obviously He will protect me.   I can let go of my constant vigilence and enjoy all the blessings that He has given me.

As in all things, it is one step at a time.

  

Holding Onto Hope

This past week has teased me with whisperings of a spring that lies on the (hopefully) not so distant horizon.  

 

The birds have begun their cheerful song, and I rejoice in their morning music.  The temperature has become a tad milder, and the sun has shone more frequently, chasing away the doldrums of a dark and dreary winter.  Even the rain of yesterday was delightful, as it bespoke of the green yet to come.....

Alas, I awakened this morning to find my car once again covered in snow, and sighs escaped from the depths of my being.  At times, I think that spring is just around the corner, but as the month of March will have it, spring is,  whenever spring decides to descend upon us, and not a moment sooner. 

 

While I enjoy snow, and even snow storms, along with the crisp, often sharp air of winter, there is just something very uplifting about the coming of spring.  An atmosphere that brings hope to my soul.  All becomes new again........grayness  turns to luscious green.

  New growth, and  beginnings; an opportunity to crawl out of my self-imposed cocoon, venture forth into dappled sunlight, warm breezes and breathe in the air of hopeful expectation. 



Today's fresh covering of snow leaves me feeling somewhat deflated.  Hope dashes, as I wonder if spring will 'ever' get here.  All things being equal in this four season province, spring indeed will come to pass.  But watching from the sidelines, waiting for the mostly unseen,  has it's moments of despair.

 

As it happens,  everyday life itself can also be quartered into seasons. Moments where new life burgeons forth and hope springs eternal, along with other moments where the reality of life crashes down, flattening us, challenging us to hold onto that hope.

 

It is a matter of discipline for me to look beyond the often difficult things of life, to the truth that Christ reigns and so therefore all things will be made new (in the winter of life) - even me.   2 Cor. 5:17 - Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come.   He is the one who provides all that I will need to get through the dreary days of feeling insecure, inadequate, lonely, and even by times, afraid. 

 

So I grasp the rope of hope as tightly as I'm able, and work on believing that God has his hands covering mine, holding onto me with a strength that far outweighs the puny strength of my tattered faith.

 

Spring...........will come!!

 

The Heavenly Potter

Pottery is a passion of mine.  I love to collect it, and am blessed to own a extensive collection.  Shown above is my recent acquisition, given from a friend who recently travelled to Mexico and knowing my love of pottery, gifted me with this piece.

 

I love how pottery is not only beautiful, full of colour and texture, but each piece exquisitely unique.  Whenever desired, I can pull out a bowl or plate, and glory in the beauty of them as they brighten my tabletop.

As I ponder the creative process involved in pottery, pieces that are lovingly crafted, I am reminded of how God designed and created humanity in a similar fashion.  It's rather mind boggling to delve into how our inward parts are made up,  intertwined to work as one, and encased in skin, held upright by bone, sinew and muscle.  The human body is astounding in it's complexity, a fine work of art.  

 

I certainly don't ever consider myself to be a work of art.  Yet in the eyes of God, that is indeed what I am. He fashioned, and filled the human body - intricately, lovingly.  A masterpiece like none other.  

 

I do well to understand the love an artist would have for their creation, but when I attempt to come to terms with the idea of God loving me, as I am, I often struggle.  As individuals, we have a dim understanding of how much God does indeed love us.  Often we view ourselves as flawed and unworthy, cracked and chipped clay vessels no longer beautiful, either inside or out. 

It stands to reason though, that God, the master creator, would love and value all that he has made, for artists do indeed delight in what they create.  In fact, the bible states that He loves me (us) with an everlasting love.

God, the heavenly potter, loves......all that He creates. 

 

The truth:  God delights in us. Psalm 18 vs. 19.  Just as we delight in the beauty of this earth, so God delights in the beauty that He created which includes most especially you and I. 

    

 

 

Messiness



Today has been a crash and burn day....hence the burning puzzle photo.

 

Life can sometimes be overwhelming, and by times I have not one clue  how to piece anything together and then proceed to have a meltdown of sorts.  What woman enjoys those weepy days when tears and rampant emotions seem to spiral out of control. 

 

I suppose that in life, there is a place for chaos too, much to my chagrin. Always living from the 'happy places'  is not where one grows.  Deep sigh.......

 

There is a place of course, for those wonderful  'all is well with the world'  oasis es, but any growing is done doing grunt work.  In my case, the grunt work entails  'feeling the feelings' and attempting to hang onto the truth that I won't die in those hurting places, those fear filled places. 

 

Having come from an extremely dysfunctional family setting, and continuing to carry that baggage around with me, has left me with many deep, emotional scars, that cause me to not 'live' in a way that God created me to live. 

 

And the only way to 'get there' - to the land of the total living, is to DEAL.  Deal with the emotional hurts, look at them - cry over them, feel the fear, feel the pain, and in doing so, wait for healing.  A healing that Jesus promises.

 

God's Word states that if I face those places, work through it all, as slow and painful as that process may be - that He will redeem all that has been lost. 

I have yet to experience the reality of such a statement, and my faith and trust in God are weak.   Yet the  choice remains mostly clear, attempt to believe, for otherwise, I might just as well lay down and die now.

 

I surely cannot say this post is particularly uplifting, but, it's life.  And life is messy by times.  Today, I waded through the mess.  Not what I had planned, but as the end of the day nears for me, I see that I've survived and also been blessed.  Blessed by the loving and supportive arms of one who is dear to my heart, and blessed by the kind and encouraging words of friends.

 

So, despite my day of messy internal chaos - God was there.  :-) 

 

 

Blank Puzzle Pieces

My first ever blog.  At the ripe age of 52, I've decided to try out this form of communication, share my thoughts and my photos.

Confession time, admittedly I am not a writer, but since the words are clattering about in my head, I thought I would simply put some 'form' to them.   As a photographer, I fare a little better, although still only as an amateur, but my love of this creative process is what keeps me going when life is all about throwing curve balls in my direction.

I've posted this photo of blank puzzle pieces in an effort to show what the inside of my brain looks like.  Yup, I said it - I'm particularly empty at the moment.  Life is a blank slate, waiting for me to fit it all together and create something.......my hope being that what I create will be a blessing not only to others, but also fulfilling for my own self.

Today - I've created a blog.  Will anyone read it?  Well, I dont' really know.  But I shall continue to post regardless and perhaps in the doing, I shall fill all those blank puzzle pieces with beautiful pictures.